| Reelect Bob Sullentrup |
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LNC Secretary and you can forget about it
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Yeah, yeah, we all know that, but it's boring
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> As a kid he almost counted to infinity once > He square dances counter-clockwise in the southern hemisphere > He has never seen the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery' > He has already completed his preparation for Y3K > He always obeys the Law of Gravity > He gets really pissed off at anger management classes > He likes to speak simultaneously with other Bobs, thus creating oral Roberts > He videotapes baseball games without the expressed, written consent of the Commissioner > He once tried to buy camouflage trousers but couldn't find any > He has always considered himself a male lesbian > He can perfectly spell all English words shorter than two letters > Once a week he will always make time for Wednesday > He has been falsely accused of having killed the Dead Sea > He can perform long division using Roman numerals > He can change a dollar in 292 ways > He has never had knee surgery on any other part of his body > He believes a fish with no eyes should be spelled 'fsh' > He likes astronomy and can readily identify the moon > Reading this sentence is prohibited by law > He likes to collect numbers from places that tell customers to please take a number > He travels 300 million miles around the Sun every year > He has a hard time telling when his invisible ink pen is empty > He has never claimed to have invented the Internet > He is capable of explaining to Bill Clinton what 'is' means > He has no current plans to surf lava flows > He appreciates his mother having diapered the proper end, usually > He harbors no fear of irrational numbers > He avoids Girl Scout Cookies made with real girl scouts > He can watch 60 Minutes in well under two hours > He tried as a kid to build a scale model of the sun using two D-cell batteries > He can prove this statement is false > He has been the incumbent LNC amanuensis (secretarial slave) for about 4/97ths of a century > He has calculated it is VIII years until Super Bowl L > He knows a few females he believes put the woe into the word woman > He wonders why they aren't called the Oklahoma Cheaters, since that's that the Sooners did by jumping the gun > He wants to meet a nattering naybob of negativism (ask Steve Dasbach if you're too young for that one) > He lost his collection of donut holes > He disagrees with Al Gore in that it's the extra sunlight from daylight savings time that causes global warming > He never leaves the generation of random numbers to chance > He observes a lot just by watching > He continues to protect the Missouri River against theft and relocation > He wonders why it's a clown that appears after the music calls for a weasel to pop out > He believes that half of baseball is 90% mental > He still wants to invent a portable hole > He does not think of the hole of the donut but of the donut as a whole > He has not been able to locate Mona Lisa's lost eyebrows > He believes there are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't > He has never seen a woman apply mascara with her mouth closed > He does not think a 10-gallon hat really holds that much > He believes Pi r round while cornbread r squared > He really does believe the Italian dessert tiramisu is named for his Mizzou Tigers > He thinks skydivers are good to the last drop > He deplores the discrimination against fractions sports teams perpetrate but stops short of calling for Congressional hearings > He lived in Chicago for years but never once saw the town toddle as the song suggests > He wants to solve global warming by organizing a Hands-Across-America-like event to get everyone running in the same direction to increase the rotational speed of the earth making the wind blow stronger to cool things off > He takes his oxygen with two parts hydrogen > He has never heard anyone say "I'm going to retire and move north" > He agrees with Bill Clinton that 'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure' > He always wanted to be a major league ballplayer so he could wear the number square-root-2 > He actually did play against the Harlem Globetrotters as a member of the Washington Generals on January 8, 1988 in St. Louis Why should Bob Sullentrup be reelected LNC Secretary? Because he can rite good ... Bubba, Missouri Ozarks And he can cypher good, too! ... Jethro |